True North: Pre-Renaissance to Present
I guess you’re asking what my pivotal moment in life entailed? What was that point where I set my ethical values? Well, it might be obvious to some people around me but internally I found this one hard to accept. I kept thinking, no there must be some other critical moment or moments that defined me as the current bronze.
Pre-renaissance
Pre-renaissance Steven Clark was a liar. Saying that sounds simple like there were choices along the way, but I have to confess that I lacked something early in life that made me tell lies – boldly, blatantly and often as if to dare conflict. I fought occasionally and have proven over the years that when I’m sober I can be a force to be reckoned with for those that seek me out. Pre-renaissance me had a drug-alcohol problem. I could never apply myself to anything, I lacked an internal discipline to study or to become something else. Pre-renaissance me had dishonest friends who lived violent lives and that violence crept into my own life.
The Fire that Forged the Bronze
The fire that forged the bronze. That was nearly 12 years of maximum security prison and another 4 years in medium and minimum security. In all that time, and I’m sure there are people who dispute this, but I can tell you that I never lost a fight. Shocking isn’t it. Surprising too. Call it a talent I picked up along the way. Those years forged my determined will to doggedly stand for my own ideas and values; to value the honest reply and the true value of a man’s word; to value what others aspired to in life on a train that I missed. Because although my public record stated that I was below average intelligence with little to no communication skills – I had the curiosity about life to be much more than a recidivist or a gutter junky. Yes, I’ve known plenty of crooks and armed robbers and an armful of murderers – but I could do better.
The fire that forged my determination to apply myself to my education and up-skilling was a harsh one. It was a world of violence and duplicity, where friends committed sexual assaults on weaker men, and where there was no mental stimulus beyond taunting the guards in a constant mental battle for outright victory. Don’t laugh, its a them and us culture – last man standing. Its extremely frustrating to be a guilty man in court with the prosecution fitting up evidence with the collaboration of my public defence barrister. Its a little humiliating having lies recorded in the history books about things I said and did. But such is life. That’s all where the forging of the bronze occurred.
Present Values
So my values are oddly inconsistent with the pre-renaissance Steven Clark. I’m stronger mentally, more disciplined, focused and driven. While I still like the odd drop of whiskey or a six pack of beer, the drug-alcohol problem ended. I’m not a recovering alcoholic – I’m just not much of a drinker anymore. And I have strong social views about globalisation, humanity and where we’re all going. Social responsibility hardly matches to the irreverant pre-renaissance of my youth.
Why do I value these things? Because in the fire that made the bronze there was constant inequity, there was corruption at many levels, abuses of power, unfair distribution of resources, and there was so much bullshitting and lies at the government level that I personally think people should be imprisoned for the abuses they perpetrated (they never will). In that world there was always duplicity – with junkies, liars, and prison guards and government representatives. On both sides of the fence there were issues with these things, not just on the one. I’d say that I got a PhD in bastardisation and intimidation from that university, and like my current occupation I was actually better at it than some people give me credit.
And Here I Am Living My Story
So here I am. Post graduate university student. Self-defined businessman. Web Standarista. A more solid citizen than most of my critics. And this is my authentic story about who I am and the values that I espouse and the reason behind the focus and obsessive pursuit of information. If you starve a hungry brain long enough you create the ultimate information cannibal… now there’s a vision.
So what’s your story? What are your values? Why do you believe and respond to the world around you in the way you do?
